June 1981
At this time, my husband, Joseph P. Warr and me, Dorothy L. Warr, felt that, at last, our lives were getting better. Our youngest son, Joseph P. Warr Jr was in a group home in Eugene. This precious son of ours had been through 11 years of hate, since he came home from Vietnam. He again wanted to be our son and we were overjoyed that at last he was part of our family again.
My husband’s health seemed to be alright at this time, but he seemed to have some things driving him to get some work done around our home. He had spent quite a lot of time fixing fences and putting barko mulch around to keep down the weeds. He would even do this in the rain and one time he came in chilled to the bone. I didn’t know it at the time, but he was telling some people he had to get some things done because he didn’t think he would be around much longer.
About this time, our son Dennis Cary Warr met a nice young woman about his age that was a member of our church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, or Mormon. Linda Pressler had a daughter, Michelle, who was 8 years old. The way he met was unusual.
Dennis had been living with us off and on for several years and he had decided he was going to get his own apartment. He didn’t have any furniture and decided he wanted to start buying some. He was working for Joe Romania Chevrolet as a car salesman and his money was short, so we advised him to look in the ad section of the paper for used furniture. One of the things he wanted was a waterbed and he called about an ad for one and made her an offer. She didn’t accept his offer but took his name and telephone number.
About two weeks later, a young woman phoned and told my husband that she had found Dennis’ name and phone number I why she had put it there and wanted to know who he was. My husband, Joe told her he was working at Joe Romania Chevrolet and suggested she call him. Linda called him and they recognized each other’s voices. Thru talking to each other on the phone they were both single and belonged to the same church. Within a few days they had a date and fell in love. A week after their first date they were engaged and he brought her to meet us. Linda and her daughter Michelle went to church with us the next day. Michelle told everybody that her mother and Dennis were going to get married. We liked her very much and felt they were well suited to each other.
July 4th
Dennis and Linda had a beautiful wedding in the rose garden in Eugene. Bishop Robert Baker married them in a lovely ceremony. Our daughter in law Kathy was matron of honor and Michelle was flower girl. Steven, Kathy’s husband and our son was Dennis’s best man.
July 25
This was a bleak day for me. We had planned to take our trailer down over to the coast for a week, but suddenly, last Friday Joe decided this wasn’t a good time to go. We were going to leave Monday the 24th at one o’clock in the morning. My husband was awakened feeling sick to his stomach and went to the bathroom and vomited some blood. We were both very concerned but I decided to wait for morning before calling the doctor. Then at 3 AM he again vomited quit a bit of blood and was very weak so I called his doctor and he told us to go to the hospital immediately. I was certainly thankful we hadn’t gone to the coast.
After taking some tests they discovered a blood vein burst. They decided to do bypass surgery to re route some of the flow of blood thru a larger vein that could handle it and after 4 days in the hospital he was sent home to get his strength back so they could do the surgery, hopefully in about 2 weeks.
Saturday, July 30
… when home he had another attack and was so weak he couldn’t make it to the bathroom but collapsed in the hall. I called Steve, our son, who lived 4 blocks from us, for help and since the 2 of us couldn’t handle him we called an ambulance.
August 2, 1981
Joe was in intensive care and closely watched and they still wanted to wait a little longer to do the surgery. This day he had another attack worse than the others and so they had no choice but to do emergency surgery that night. They started the surgery at 10 PM. It took almost 5 hours. Barry, my oldest son, Steve and Kathy, Dennis and Linda and Joe, my youngest son were all there with me waiting. We were able to see him about 6:00 AM. He looked terrible and he said to me twice to let him die. I knew he was in terrible pain and I ran out hysterical. The nurse followed me and said he wasn’t even completely out of the anesthetic yet, but I knew different or why would he have said that to me. The doctor felt the operation was success and after 9 days he was sent home.
Joe had insisted that I do the art show and the Friday of the show was the day he came home. I got someone to watch my exhibit that evening so I could be with Joe. Saturday morning he didn’t feel well and he started to cry and I took him in my arms to comfort him that he would be better soon. Little did I know that that would be the last time I would feel his arms around me. Back at the hospital he was in severe pain and after more tests they said he was full of infection and Sunday they had to do surgery again.
Dorothy Bacon, my best friend and Russell her husband were with me. He’s my home teacher. Steve was in Los Angeles and Kathy and Joe Jr. were at Valley River Center finishing up the art show for me and I had sent Dorothy and Russell home before they decided to do the surgery that day so I was alone at the hospital waiting.
After the surgery they thought he would be fine again, but his body was not handling this very well. He got a very bad infection in his neck where they had the IV and had to have radiation treatments. Then his kidneys failed and he had to have dialysis daily. Things were not good.
August 28, 1981
This was my birthday and I dreaded going to the hospital. My husband had been in intensive care for 5 weeks and he had been getting worse. The night before the doctor told me he was full of infection and the infection would probably kill him if they didn’t do surgery, but if they did the surgery the surgery would kill him. I felt that this would be the day it would happen.
When I arrived at the hospital I was greatly surprised. On opening the door to the intensive care room my husband was sitting up in bed and when he saw me he sang happy birthday to me. That was the best birthday I could ever have. What joy I felt, because I thought he would get better, but it was not to be.
August 31, 1981
This evening the family was all allowed to visit my husband at the same time and Joe seemed to feel better and wanted to sing. There was Dennis and Linda, Steve, Joe Jr. and myself all gathered around his bed. We sang for about 30 minutes, then Joe was too tired to sing any longer, so we left.
September 1st 1981
The family visited Joe again the next night hoping he would want to sing again, but he was very tired so we didn’t stay long. When the doctor called me to say Joe’s heart had stopped beating, but they had revived him and he was now in a coma, so it wouldn’t be long and not to come down because he would probably not come out of the coma. I called my 5 sons who were living in Eugene and we all felt we wanted to be with him at this time so we spent the night around his bed. His breathing gradually got slower during the night and he died at 9:00 AM on September 2, 1981. I couldn’t believe my husband, who took care of himself so well, being a good, active Mormon could be dead at the age of 68. How was I going to get along without him?
September 6, 1981
This was the day of my husband’s funeral. My 5 sons had helped me make all the arrangements. They were very attentive to me and I needed them a great deal at this time. I was pleased that all my family came and all Joe’s family but Max and Bonnie were there. At the services all five of my sons sang a song with guitar accompaniment. They sang “Oh, my pretty quadroon,” a song Joe loved to sing and Steve gave a talk saying how much he enjoyed the association with his father the past 8 years living just 4 blocks from us.
The next day, Sunday, all of my children went to church with me. I was so glad for that, especially since all of them were inactive except Dennis and Linda. It was fast and testimony meeting and Dennis and Barry bore their testimonials. After church we had dinner and then one by one they all left and I was alone.
The next year was the most difficult of my life. In October, Laverna Heber and I made a trip to Los Angeles. She is such a good friend and I did enjoy the trip. I took my car and found myself traveling the freeways of Los Angeles. After spending Sunday with Nick and Pam, I went to my Dad’s and with his direction, we went to my brother’s for … planned to take a Carribean cruise in January and asked my other sister Marian and my sister-in law Mae to join us. Three of us were widows, Mae, Marge, and myself. Ray, Lou’s husband was going with us.
January 1982
Marian and Mae came to spend the night with me the night before we were to leave for the cruise. We were all excited for we knew we would probably never go again and this would be something special. I did enjoy the cruise very much. We were gone two weeks, leaving from Miami on a Saturday evening. We stopped at 8 ports, Jamaica, … ,… Venezuela, Barbados, St. Thomas, The Dominican Republic and Haiti. We took a tour of each place and had a delightful time.
The rest of that year was uneventful and I endured by taking it one day at a time. I did four art shows, but they weren’t very good and my heart wasn’t in it. Joe and I had traveled quite a bit the last 4 years before he died and I just didn’t enjoy doing them alone. I did shows at the fair grounds, at Washington Square, in Portland, Roseburg and Valley River Center. I made about $500 profit. Ordinarily, I would make 10 times this much. My husband was a business man and a salesman and this could have been part of the problem, but the economy was terrible also.
March 1983
I received a letter from the temple presidency saying I was chosen to be a temple worker. Immediately, upon receiving the letter, I called for an appointment. And was up for an interview April 6th, after I got home from Memphis, Tennessee and Houston, Texas to see my children. I was so excited and a little uneasy at making the trip up there because I wasn’t used to traveling much alone. I had made a trip to Los Angeles last November to see my Dad because he was ill and spent Thanksgiving with Nick and Pam and gotten along fine.
January 1983
My Dad, Clarence Edgar Nay passed away January 14th at the age of 93. He was a very nice man and took good care of himself and lived a good life. Hw was alone for 22 years. My mother, Edith Pearl Huckaby died at the age of 66. He lived alone until about 6 months before this and I loved them very much.
April 6 1983
This was the Day I was to go to the temple for my interview. I got up at 4 AM so I could make my appointment at 11:00 AM. I arrived 45 minutes early but they took me right in. President Perry interviewed me and it was decided I would go up the third week of every month. This was such a special calling and I didn’t know if I was really worthy so I really did a lot of praying about it.
Before I was to go the third week Marge Renfro called me and she got a letter also. This was great because I would have someone to go with me.
Marge and I left about noon on Monday for our week at the temple and since we hadn’t found an apartment yet we stayed the first time at the Motel 6. It’s quite expensive because we had to eat out a lot. We made arrangements to rent a room in a private home after that. Our first time there we were in a training room or until we could memorize all the ordinances. I did really well and accomplished this in … Marge had a lot of difficulty memorizing. They did finally put her on the floor on posts and in the locker room.
It is very difficult to put my feelings in writing. This temple call has been a great blessing to me. I love my church and I love Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ with all my heart. This is a special calling and I love the beautiful people who work in the temple. There is such a special feeling of peace harmony and love in the temple. Sometimes I feel unworthy of this blessing and I pray always for more spirituality especially when I’m in the temple. How beautiful is the gospel of Jesus Christ and it is dear to my heart. Oh how I wish I had a good husband at my side doing this great work and I pray daily that we can both continue to progress and that I can endure to the end so we can be together in the highest degree of the Celestial Kingdom for all eternity. This I pray for continuously.
My heart is broken because of my inactive children. What did we do wrong when we were raising them and how did we fail them. I ask myself this question often and I really can’t answer it. From the time I joined the Church, May 6th, 1951, we wanted our children to be close to the church. We took them to church, we went to all their activities, we tried to show them we loved them.
As each one left the church my heart was broken. First Barry whose patriarchal blessing says he will be a leader in the Church and I hope that I will see it in my lifetime. He had developed himself into a super business man and he has taken 2 foster teenagers into his home, each for 3 years and treated them as his own children. Also he has been a leader in many organizations. He treats his employees fairly and with respect and he teaches them to be good at their jobs. He has taken four car dealerships when on the verge of bankruptcy and turned them around within a month or two to make a profit. What a great church leader he would be because everything he does he does well.
October 1982
My precious children Steven and Kathy and grandchildren have moved to Houston, Texas. They lived 4 blocks from us for 9 years and we saw them often and enjoyed them so much. Kenny was just 4 months old and Danny was 3 when they moved there.
How was I ever going to get along without them. It was lonely enough with them here but terrible when they left. It was almost like losing someone else that I loved. It was devastating to me. If it wasn’t for my good church friends I wouldn’t have survived.
Dorothy Bacon is my dearest friend in all the world. She called me every day for a year after Joe died and after that 2 or 3 times a week. She picked me up many times when I was in the depths of despair.
Life goes on and I know that I have many blessings. I had a good husband with me for 47 years and a precious baby daughter who 2 months. Now I am looking forward to raising her someday. I have 5 good sons and I love them very much. I am in fairly good health, only having food allergy problems that I have been able to keep under control and pinched nerves in my neck that gives me a main headache that the chiropractor is treating. I have lots of energy and seldom get tired. I have a nice home to live in that is paid for and I have enough money to live on and some savings and bonds. I live in this great land of the United States of America where I can worship as I please. All of these blessings mean a great deal to me and I thank my Father in Heaven daily for them.
Also I have many talents and abilities. I play the piano and the organ (not as well as I like). I sew and have sewn since I was in the 5th grade, and make most of my clothes. I am a seascape painter and have painted 1,350 paintings in the last 16 years. I’m not painting much but some day I will get back to it, because I don’t want to lose this talent. I knit and crochet, do needlepoint and macramé and I have done many crafts. I have taught painting and sewing a lot and I have taught many crafts in Relief Society.
September 4, 1983
This was the day I was sustained as Relief Society President, and I know this is my Father in Heaven’s will. It was quite a surprise to me when I went to bishop to have my temple recommend he said to me, “Sister we would like you to be Relief Society President.” What a shock that was to me and I said. “Bishop, I don’t think I can do that.” but when he said “your Father in Heaven wants you to be Relief Society President.” I couldn’t say no, so I accepted the call.
All my life since I had joined the Church I had never refused a calling, so even though I was frightened of the call and felt very inadequate, I knew that with the help of my Father in Heaven, I could do it, and I felt greatly blessed that at my age, 67, and being a single sister that I was even called to this position.
Dec. 23, 1983
Joe and I flew to Spokane to spend … Christmas with Barry’s family. There was snow on the ground in Eugene when we left and quite cold. This is very unusual for Eugene. Most winters we don’t have any snow at all. The snow stayed for about a week and it was very icy when I picked up my car at the airport on the 27th. This was the first white Christmas Eugene had had in the 20 years we had been here.
Christmas was nice at Barry’s this year. Penny and Ted and their family spent Christmas day with us. Merri’s folks, Ray and Jean Palmer (Ray is my first cousin) were there and Chucky, her husband and sons were also there. Chucky is Merri’s sister. We opened our gifts Christmas eve and really had a good time.
On the 27th Joe and I headed home. We were bumped from our flight in Portland because Eugene was fogged in and had to find our own way home. We tried to rent a car, but I couldn’t because I didn’t have a charge card, but they suggested to see if someone rented a car that would take passengers. That’s what happened and both Joe and I got to Eugene for only $18.00. A nice young man rented a car and took us and another young man, charging us only 1/3 what it cost him. It was midnight when Joe took me to the airport to pick up my car and the parking lot had 2” of snow on the ground, frozen. Walking was treacherous, but I had no problem with my car.
January 1984
January was a bleak month and I was having many bad thoughts and terribly lonely and in deep despair, even to the point that I wished that I could die. What was happening to me? I had many blessings and I loved my temple work and my calling in Relief Society so why was I having such a hard time?
February 27, 1984
This is the day I flew to Houston to visit Steve and Kathy, Danny and Kenny. I always enjoy my visits with them and how I miss them.
Danny is getting better at playing Pounce, I still beat all of them.
Steve graduated from Marshfield High School when he was 17 ½ and that fall he went into the Army for 3 years. He came home after that and went 1 term to the junior college in Coos Bay where we lived but wasn’t much interested in it so he took a job selling magazines for 4 years and then of all things he reenlisted in the army and went to Germany where he met Kathy, the girl he married. She was teaching on the army base. They were married in Pawtucket, Rhode Island and then spent a year at Fort Lewis, Washington till Steve got out of the army them back to Providence, RI where Steve went to school to become a teacher. He got his masters degree in a little over 4 years and maintained a high grade point average. They then moved to Eugene where they stayed for nine years. They couldn’t get teaching jobs so they moved to Houston where they each have good jobs. Kathy is like a daughter to me.